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| you risk everything by risking nothing.
No f . e . a . r .
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| R E G R E T - its something we all should try to avoid.
--everything happens for a reason--
-yes, I am a strong believer in that. I think that
what happens to us is meant to happen to us, and its a direct
relationship to the way we are, act, speak, live. Its karma.and I
believe it all
-but, I still believe that we have the power to
control it. We make the decisions that shape us and our lives, and what
ever outcome stems from it, is well deserved, and nonetheless, was
meant to happen.
--its a cause and effect--
you just have to be prepared to begin the cause, and ready to accept the effect.
So i had this epiphany, which lead to a ripple of revelations.
I said before in previous blogs, that you have to go balls out. That
there is no reward without the risk. And that you either make it you
don't. And if you don't make it, that at least you tried and you wont
have the regret of not knowing.
I've also said that I knew what I wanted, and that it was the best. I
said that I, and anybody else, only deserved the best. Call me what you
want for it, but its true. I get what I want, and I won't settle for
anything less, I shouldn't settel for anything less.
What else have I repeatedly brought up in this thing? My addictting use
of metaphors. I say what I want in these blogs, but I also speak in
metaphors. I've said that I wished that I could just open up, and spill
out on this so that everyody could just see it.
But you know what? Scew that. Who gives if I open up and say everything
on this? Why do I need to reveal names, feelings, thoughts? Don't get
me wrong, it's not the part of expressing my thoughts and feelings on
this that I don't care for doing, its expressing what it is i'm
thinking and having feelings about that I think doesn't matter.
If i'm really serious about that things I say, then i should just stop saying them, and put them to action.
I can say over and over "appreciate the experiance&leave no room for regret"
but whats better than that, is actually doing it.
I should be able to just to do it. Get out there and close the door to regret and start......just start.
You risk EVERYTHING, by risking nothing
you shouldn't really ever do anything, unless you really mean it, even better; unless it really means something to you.
what's the use if it isn't special ?
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| Can you define yourself?
Do you know who you are?
We go through high school always trying to find a
place for ourselves. We assume that we belong somewhere, that we have
to be able to asnwer the question: Who am I?
But can you really put yourself into one category? Into one word? Be
able to say something to define yourself so confidently, and so precisely?
I may not be able to answer the big Who am I question, but I think I can answer something better than that.
What do I deserve?
Im going to say something, and you can call it whatever you want. Concieted. Stuck up. Use whatever adj you want:
I know what I want. And it's the best, I always want the best. And I always get what I want.
So go ahead. Call me bitchy.Stubborn.Self-centered.Picky.
But don't be so quick to judge.
Is it really so much to say that? So what if i'm
picky? Why should I have to settle? You wouldn't want to be with
someone if you knew that you deserved better, so why should I?
I don't put myself
up on a pedestal. I don't think that I am any better than anyone else
to think that I deserve the best. I think that anyone esle deserves the
best as well. It all depends on your perception of the best.
Yeah,
I do have standards.So what? I will take nothing less than I deserve.
And its not someone who doesn't know what they want. It's not someone
that doesn't know whether or not they want me or someone else. I'm either one, or none. If you really can't choose, then i'll make make the choice easier for you. One, or none.
I trust easy. And its genuine.
But I don't take betrayal so easily. I appreciate not being lied to.
And if I am lied to, a lie that is in no way able to be justified, then
please believe that you're trust is lost and you'll have to do a lot to
get it back. And if it just so happens that you don't try to get it
back. That you decide that you don't care. Then fine. You made it
easier for me to understand that you aren't worth it. That investing so
much trust into you was a waste.
You either go balls out and deserve the reward, or you get burned.
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| The one and only Bill Cosby said, "I don't know what the key to success is, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone."
----well Bill, I agree. We shouldn't dare to try to please everyone, because we can't. Pessimistic? Maybe. But none the less, true. Because even if we somehow manage to please everyone, have we really pleased ourself?
----but Bill, there is also another quote out there, and a very popular one at that, "It's easier said than done."
It is a very difficult line to draw when
defining the difference between feeding your own personal needs and the
needs of others. On which side of this line do we stand?
Do we be a friend, and be there 24/7, day in and day out, regardless
of the position it puts us in...or do we draw that line, and decide
that it is just as important to be a friend to ourselves. Is it so
selfish to decide that maybe, just maybe, we should try and protect
ourselves from the hurt and the pain that we know is inevitably on it's
way?
But what about the risk factor? We can't always protect ourselves.
Go big or go home.
There's no reward without the risk.
All or nothing.
My personal ethos is that: You know what you want,
and you go for it. And if in the end you get it, then good.
Congratulations. You've earned the prize, your desire, what you wanted.
You deserve it. But if you don't get it, then thats it. You don't get
it, you get burned. But at least you know that you went for it
regardless. No Regrets. No if's, and's or but's
about it. You can't pull out the maybe card and play it safe expecting
to win in the end because then you don't really deserve it and karma's
just gonna end up kicking your ass.
But I guess the most difficult part about that is
firguring out what exactly it is that you want. It so hard deciding
what you really want without being influenced by anything esle.
It sucks big time to know that you've invested so much into something
or someone and think that it was worth it, that it wasn't a waste, and
then find out that it was. That it wasn't enough, that you weren't enough
-but I guess that was the risk.
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| Oh dear. what is there to say, without out the fear of being too obvious?
I could put in some kind of fancy smanshy metaphor, and the truth is, I probably will.
But as for the risk of being contradictory and hypocritical, fuck the metaphors.
I am so DONE with using them and trying to understand them. But we all
know that i'm still going to use them and i'm undoubtedly going to
continue interpreting them. So as for the truth, fuck it. I suppose it would just be too easy to just tell the truth.
Which brings me here. Here's my Glitch:
I would VERY much like to just tell the truth. I've most
definately thought about the telling the truth. I always seem to advocate to others the the truth shall set you free. And here I am. Coincidently
behind the beaten, rusted, metal bars, not free. Even more so, I am in
this un-free cell not only withdrawing myself from telling the truth,
but driving myself into the wall trying to figure out the truth. It's
pretty much Karma's way of recycling.
Don't you just hate when you have a problem, and you
know what you need to do to fix the problem, but you just can't do
it? I mean, How hard can the concept get? Its frustrating when things get so complicated. But here's another question, who said it was complicated ? Nobody. and of course you can always just say " It just is." But come on now, is it? Is it really? but the truth is, maybe it really is. hah.
I wish I could just do it. Just type it all out. Spill my guts and lay
it out on this thing for everybody to read and analyze. But I just
can't bring myself to do it. the most I could do to talk about it is work my
way around it but forget the part where I tell you what it is i'm
working my way around. You know, just not actually tell you what it is
i'm talking about. Or I could continue using these fun metaphors.
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